Beauty is Skin Deep, Uncomfortably Deep

Feel pretty, oh so pretty

Big Bear Grizzly

The Mother Load

By ARRISSIA OWEN TURNER
Reporter

Published: Wednesday, November 10, 2010 7:32 AM PST

Chloe loves being a girl, and she absolutely adores herself. My 8-year-old daughter has no qualms about telling anyone just that.

When Chloe took her school pictures this year, there was much discussion—hair, outfit, which smile, what pose. I was sure any moment we were going to head off to a modeling shoot on the French Riviera.

After the curls were in place, Chloe gave out a big sigh, tilted her head to the right, blew her mirror image a kiss and said: “I’m beautiful.” She is gorgeous, inside and out.

I cannot remember the last time I heard a grown woman say such a thing with so much abandon. Something happens to us from childhood to adulthood that we start to look in the mirror in horror—spotting every imperfection, every flaw on our skin, every hair out of place, every crook in our noses, every dimple in our thighs.

In high school, I was told over and over by friends that before they knew me they thought I was stuck up. I was not conceited—far from it. I thought I was ugly. I could barely look people in the eyes because I was so shy and awkward.

There were days I would lie in my mother’s bed crying because I thought I was too appalling to leave the house. I look back at pictures and can see that there was no reason.

At 38, I still struggle with accepting the beauty cards I was dealt. Yet I am able to look at other women and only see the positive in them and appreciate all the unique aspects of their genetic make up that make them who they are. Chloe is able to look in the mirror and see nothing but gorgeous.

The first time I saw the Dove commercial with women of every size and shape, color and creed, standing in their skivvies saying they were beautiful, I instantly felt tears well up. Those women loved their bodies and felt beautiful. I wanted in.

Most females’ self-esteem is chipped away at, little by little, so much so that by the time we are adults there is nearly nothing left. If there are women readers who have no idea what I am going on about, I envy you.

The assault on self starts early for most of us.

According to the Dove Self-Esteem Fund’s “Real Girls, Real Pressure: A National Report on the State of Self-Esteem,” seven in 10 girls believe they are not good enough when it comes to their appearance, academics and relationships.

The results are based on nearly 5,000 girls between ages 8 and 17. Of the 70 percent who struggle with low self-esteem, 75 percent have reported engaging in self-destructive behavior such as eating disorders, cutting, bullying, smoking and drinking.

The report says 57 percent of girls have mothers who criticize their own looks. One of my biggest achievements as a mother is that I stopped saying negative things about myself once Chloe was born. She was part of me, and that changed the way I viewed myself. She taught me to love myself. But I still struggle.

There are many lessons I can learn from my daughter’s confidence, and Dove is taking charge to help moms like me stop the cycle. The skin and body product company offers a self-esteem toolkit online with everything from advice on how to start discussions with girls about how they perceive themselves to activities like inspiration boards and the beautiful book club.

Most of us can look back at old photos of ourselves, 10 years ago, 20 years ago, maybe more, and marvel at how great we looked back then. And then the next thought is usually, ‘But I thought I was fat and ugly.’ We always wish we could grab that younger self in the picture and shake some sense into her.

But guess what? Here’s your chance. Look in the mirror now and listen. Don’t wait to appreciate your unique features and attributes. Love yourself right now.

For more information about the Dove Self-Esteem Project, visit www.dovemovement.com.

To read the story online, click here:
http://bigbeargrizzly.net/articles/2010/11/12/community/doc4cda031241749293303037.txt